May 3, 2001

Most baseball fans understand the principle of never talking about a no-hitter while the game is being played. I have been an eyewitness to two legitimate no-hitter jinxes.

For years, I never believed in the Jinx. I capitalize it because it is a proper noun, a mystery and a curse that I have started to believe in since my junior year at the University of Dallas. I have watched baseball for years now and it seems to me that there is something to this baseball superstition. I am currently collecting scientific evidence to prove it. The results are going to be published just as soon as I find anyone who would believe I am a scientist and cares about jinxes. This may prove more difficult than I previously thought.

I may never understand anything about religion, the cosmos, the origin of the universe, women or calculus, but I do know one thing with absolute certainty, alright maybe only one thing in total. There is a one surefire way to make a baseball game last longer than four hours: Uttering the following sentence, "Boy, this game is going along fast." The player has sealed his own fate. Without fail, the next inning will involve an injury, six straight hits, four walks, two hit batters, and an umpire dispute.

I was a witness to this today from a veteran player, who was just being an idiot. The game was moving along fast, and it seemed as if it might be done in less than three hours. Well, the idiot said "Boy this game is going along fast" and the Jinx was set. The next pitch hit the batter, then the umpire claimed the batter stuck his arm out intentionally and it didn't count as a HBP, then the manager argued the play, so the guy got back into the box, then he walked, then there were two hits, an error, a pitching change, and tada: an injury. That sentence was a run-on because I wanted the reader to wonder if there was ever going to be a period, the same sense of wonder that a player would have about the end of the game after a jinx. Oh man, I could have just puked.

Nick B., we will protect his anonymity, is perhaps the least concerned with the power of the Jinx. Even though Nick is one of the few guys everyone in the clubhouse really respects, he is an example of no-respect for the Jinx.

About a week ago, we were playing a team that was undefeated and were winning 3-1 going into the eighth inning. Our manager would have been so happy if we had only held on. Nick was sitting in the dugout and irreverently talking about how great it would be if we won. The rule is no one is allowed to talk about future events, that is the Jinx. While such brash talk serves most pitchers very well on the mound to themselves, taunting the Jinx in the dugout is just not a wise thing to do.

Nick pitched well in his outing but was the victim of bad luck, a dropped third strike and seeing-eye groundball that shattered our poor manager's heart. Another victim of the Jinx.

While these examples of the Jinx are mildly entertaining, the last one I will share is a tale of pure horror, well maybe not pure horror, but kind of bad for a baseball magazine. It's about a subject that no pitcher every wants to talk about. Even as I write this I take an extra special point to knock on some wood to avoid any problems linked to this discussion.

In my freshman year at Vanderbilt, another freshman with a great arm remarked in a team meeting that he never gets hurt and his arm was able to recover whenever the team needed it. I can't convey the shock and horror of the older guys, who physically moved away from the young freshman as if the Jinx would come down with a bolt of lightning. The Jinx was set and this kid never had a healthy week for the rest of his career.

While the fickle attitude of the Jinx seems mired in mystery and rules, it seems as if the Jinx god can be appeased by the inane blabber that keeps our attention in the bullpen. In a way I think it's an offering or sacrifice to her. Yes, the Jinx god is a woman. Don't ask me why, but it just seems to be true.

Our offerings to the Jinx this week were in line with weeks past. We had one long hour discussion of the legality of breaking into someone's locker, if you think they stole something of yours. We discussed the contention that Michael Jordan would score anytime he wanted with a medicine ball in a game of one-on-one with Vinnie Eppolito, and further, Vinnie wouldn't score with a normal basketball given an infinite amount of tries. Lastly, we picked up a discussion started in instructional league: If given 100 carries in a division one football game could Peter Sikares gain fifty positive yards?

There you go Jinx, I hope you are appeased. I knock on wood and I am out.

You can contact Will Rosellini at Rumi54@aol.com.